I prescribe to the theory that life is an adventure and should be treated as such. I am also a high-maintenance diva. While it might seem that these are two opposing viewpoints, I maintain that I, as a diva, can still suck as much marrow out of life as possible--so long as I can look cute while doing so. It's really not that hard. Especially when I get a daily heads-up about life via my horoscope. Each morning I awake to find my daily predictions waiting for me on my cell phone. While I don't always believe them to be true, it's good to be on the lookout in case karma decides favor me unfortunately. Lately, though, I think the cosmos (or the astrology writers working for my cell phone company) have taken a bit of a mental vacation. Or they've taken a cue from K-Dub and are hitting the vino a bit too much. Here are some of my more amusing text horoscopes from the past couple of months:

• Well, aren't you shinier than a bright new penny! And worth a whole lot more! (I can almost feel the cynicism leaking from their pores. And yes, I recognize that I'm a precious member of society, but thanks for the reminder!)
• You're unique. There's not a single person who's just like you. Yep, you're special. (Did my snarky posse' of friends write this?)
• You're sweet like honey and just as natural. you smell good, but rather sticky. (Ok, this just sounds like bad romance novel drivel.)
• You're good but don't showoff. Showing off isn't good. And you are good. Get it? (Is that a theoretical question? To go along with your circular logic? Did a first year philosophy student hijack Horoscope Central?)
• You are irresistable. More irresistable than a flower or a good game of football. (I'd like to thank whichever William McKinley High School football player came up with that compliment.)
• This is the day for some, how to put it, um, mm: love. And you're really into someone. (I would like to note that I just transcribed this word-for-word from my cell phone. If that is what love will be like--all umm-y and mmm-y, then I think I'm fine being a single lady, thankyouverymuch.)
• For a celebrity sighting look in the mirror! You're a star--and you know it! (Well, duh.)

And my personal favorite:

• Relaxing is good. Rainbows are good. Rollerblades aren't bad. Romance is good. Rad! (Again, this is exactly what showed up on my cell phone, transcribed word for word. I like how it sounds like a bad haiku, a page from my second-grade diary and dialogue from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles all rolled into one awesome text.)

Perhaps the stars are telling me to put a kibosh on the daily astrological heads-up. But if that's the message they're trying to send, then they need to try harder because with gems like these, I will never EVER unsubscribe. Ever. Because, like my friendship with K-Dub and my ever-growing obsession with Glee, daily horoscopes? They're rad.