Friday, April 30, 2010

No Weddings and a Funeral

Having received yet another wedding invitation, I find it apropo to repeat my stance on weddings.

We know that the wedding dance entrance video on youtube makes me very happy. Not only because it is so freakin' creative, but because it actually made attending that wedding worthwhile for the poor souls that were invited. My reaction to seeing a wedding invitation in my mailbox is one of disgust and horror, likened to receiving an envelope full of anthrax. I am actually much more excited to receive a jury summons. Genuinely excited, I might add. I once wrote “Deceased. Return to Sender” on an invitation just so I didn’t have come up with an excuse for my absence. I thought it was quite amusing, especially seeing I worked in the same office as the invitor. She failed to see the humor in it. I didn’t like her anyway, hence calling in dead to her wedding. The mailman wasn’t happy with me either.

I've never been to a wedding where I've enjoyed myself. I wouldn't have attended my own if it weren't a requirement. I was, however, particularly amused by the premarital sex class that the state of Michigan required us to attend prior to getting hitched. Seriously. I almost brought my drawer full of contraceptives and other miscellaneous sexual sundries as payment for imparting such wisdom upon my long-deflowered ass. Anyway, every wedding I have ever attended has caused me to want to stand up and object to being there. One day I will get the nerve to do it, which will probably be prompted by my pre-wedding drinking routine. Until then, do not invite me to your wedding. I would much rather go to a funeral, as they are quick and easy, and no one wants to dance. However, if there were a DJ at the funeral, maybe then I would stay longer. Hollaaaaa.

KP: A personal summary in a two-minute scene

Note: I'm fully disclosing that this was originally posted on my personal blog. I figure it's entertaining enough and telling enough to post here. More original material to follow, we promise.

Scene: entrance of the local grocery store
Time: 4 pm on a Sunday
Krissy - uber-dork, uber-crabby to be spending her weekend doing one of her least favorite chores
Hot newspaper guy - well-dressed, well-groomed, friendly, amazing smile

Hot newspaper guy: Hi! Do you want a free paper?
Krissy: Um, yeah! Woohooo! Free stuff!
Hot newspaper guy: Ha! Haha? How often do you read the paper?
Krissy: Whenever it's free.
Hot newspaper guy: Ummm...ok. That it?
Krissy: I have a busy job--I don't have time to read a newspaper.
Hot newspaper guy: (looks sad) ...
Hot newspaper guy: Is your job fun at least? Hopefully it's fun.
Krissy: Ooh, it's SUPER-FUN!!! (gives thumbs up)
Krissy: (spots giant boxes of Corn Pops on sale) OoohOOOH! *scampers off to grab cold cereal*

It wasn't until I was well into the produce section that I realized he may have been trying to flirt with me and I scared him away with my thumbs up and Corn Pops enthusiasm.

Thursday, April 29, 2010


I mentioned to my daughter the other night that Sue Sylvester is my idol. Her response? "You are not allowed to buy tracksuits."

I will leave it to you, KP, to find followers, as I am barely capable of using this blogging technology. I must go pray for Brett Michaels now.

Seriously, who lets us have a blog?

Because really? No good can come from this. Until I have a more concrete blog post I will leave you with this thought...

"I will no longer be carrying around an ID. Know why? People should know who I am."

Well said, Sue Sylvester.


Finally!! Our co-blogging dream has come true! Time to share with the world all that we hold near and dear to us, which consists mostly of Glee, cheese, and wine. This will no doubt result in a negative following, but who cares. We are our biggest fans!