Having received yet another wedding invitation, I find it apropo to repeat my stance on weddings.
We know that the wedding dance entrance video on youtube makes me very happy. Not only because it is so freakin' creative, but because it actually made attending that wedding worthwhile for the poor souls that were invited. My reaction to seeing a wedding invitation in my mailbox is one of disgust and horror, likened to receiving an envelope full of anthrax. I am actually much more excited to receive a jury summons. Genuinely excited, I might add. I once wrote “Deceased. Return to Sender” on an invitation just so I didn’t have come up with an excuse for my absence. I thought it was quite amusing, especially seeing I worked in the same office as the invitor. She failed to see the humor in it. I didn’t like her anyway, hence calling in dead to her wedding. The mailman wasn’t happy with me either.
I've never been to a wedding where I've enjoyed myself. I wouldn't have attended my own if it weren't a requirement. I was, however, particularly amused by the premarital sex class that the state of Michigan required us to attend prior to getting hitched. Seriously. I almost brought my drawer full of contraceptives and other miscellaneous sexual sundries as payment for imparting such wisdom upon my long-deflowered ass. Anyway, every wedding I have ever attended has caused me to want to stand up and object to being there. One day I will get the nerve to do it, which will probably be prompted by my pre-wedding drinking routine. Until then, do not invite me to your wedding. I would much rather go to a funeral, as they are quick and easy, and no one wants to dance. However, if there were a DJ at the funeral, maybe then I would stay longer. Hollaaaaa.
We know that the wedding dance entrance video on youtube makes me very happy. Not only because it is so freakin' creative, but because it actually made attending that wedding worthwhile for the poor souls that were invited. My reaction to seeing a wedding invitation in my mailbox is one of disgust and horror, likened to receiving an envelope full of anthrax. I am actually much more excited to receive a jury summons. Genuinely excited, I might add. I once wrote “Deceased. Return to Sender” on an invitation just so I didn’t have come up with an excuse for my absence. I thought it was quite amusing, especially seeing I worked in the same office as the invitor. She failed to see the humor in it. I didn’t like her anyway, hence calling in dead to her wedding. The mailman wasn’t happy with me either.
I've never been to a wedding where I've enjoyed myself. I wouldn't have attended my own if it weren't a requirement. I was, however, particularly amused by the premarital sex class that the state of Michigan required us to attend prior to getting hitched. Seriously. I almost brought my drawer full of contraceptives and other miscellaneous sexual sundries as payment for imparting such wisdom upon my long-deflowered ass. Anyway, every wedding I have ever attended has caused me to want to stand up and object to being there. One day I will get the nerve to do it, which will probably be prompted by my pre-wedding drinking routine. Until then, do not invite me to your wedding. I would much rather go to a funeral, as they are quick and easy, and no one wants to dance. However, if there were a DJ at the funeral, maybe then I would stay longer. Hollaaaaa.
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