Liquid tolerance

My ability to put up with other people’s crap is directly related to the amount of wine I have ingested. Don’t get me wrong, I am no lush. My bark is bigger than my bite. Although I do dream of a life of lounging around all day drinking wine by the pool while being fanned by muscular men with IQs lower than styrofoam, I realize that I have a better chance at becoming the next black president. I do, however, enjoy a glass of the red stuff on occasion. I usually find myself reaching for it after a day of dealing with idiots. I call it liquid tolerance. Some people are just born with it, but my tolerance level needs to be replenished regularly. Here is a list of some of the things that deplete my tolerance:

• People
• Humidity
• People who wear pajamas to the grocery store
• Mariah Carey
• People who ride their bikes dressed like Lance Armstrong
• Couples who sit beside each other in a booth at a restaurant when no one else is with them
• People who speed up to a 4-way stop so that they can go first
• Kate Gosselin
• People who fondle fruit (the kind you bite directly into) with their bare hands in the grocery store
• Fat free sour cream
• Weddings
• Kindergarten graduations (Congrats! You can piss your pants in a structured environment.)
• The Yankees
• People who put clothes on dogs
• People who post 185 pictures at a time on facebook of their 2-year old
• People who can’t seem to master the correct use of your, there, to - (Correct: Hey there! It’s too bad you're an idiot.)
• The person who invented Valentine’s Day
• That creepy plastic Burger King guy
• People who interrupt your story to tell one of their own
• Camel toe
• Anything Kardashian

I could go on and on. Maybe these people and things are not truly annoying. There’s a good chance I'm just overly sensitive. I’m sure I am equally annoying to others under certain circumstances. But until I figure that part out, I will continue to keep a very close eye on my tolerance level and top it off as needed or whenever I come in contact with an idiot.