Dear Lindsay Lohan

I do not understand why you are sunning on the beaches of Cannes when you have not completed your court ordered say-no-to-alcohol-classes. You have a court date tomorrow to review your progress! Maybe it's just me, but shouldn't your first priority be to make sure you stay out of jail? They don't serve cocaine in jail, Linsday. You will not do well there. Seriously though, you need to start listening to the adults in your life (except your parents, as they are bigger train wrecks than you), and get your act together. You say that you are doing great, yet you aren't even doing the bare minimum to make sure you remain free. Just think of your glory days when you starred in Mean Girls, Freaky Friday, and Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen. I miss that Linsday, and you should, too. You have officially taken over the "crazy" role from Britney. I am not happy about this. The saddest part of this mess is that you will not be able to twitter from the pokey. That hurts, Lindsay. A LOT.